I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
