Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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