Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Just puked most of my soul out..
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
