That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
