you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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