i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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