Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
her vagine was all disorganized.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
