If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
