Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize