Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm getting married
To pizza
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
