he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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