I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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