you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
