so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Found your dick twin last night
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
