it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
