Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
