I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Randomize
