are you still at the devil's house?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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