do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Houston, we have a squirter
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
