you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
