we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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