I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
thus making me awesome and them whores
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
