one two three fourrrrnication!
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
