you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So vagazzling was a success
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
