Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I am one with the molecules
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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