If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Randomize
