went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
