Where are you?
In a non slutty way
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
