Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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