I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I would ride that face into the sunset
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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