you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
