The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
