She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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