He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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