I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize