i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize