Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
