I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
