I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
where am i from again
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize