I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
