who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
