well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
This baby is an asshole
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
