Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
