FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
