haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
