dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
