I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
