I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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