Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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