Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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