My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize