Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
