Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize