If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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