he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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