I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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