why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize