doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
someone owes me an orgasm
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Mom said you looked used
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize