if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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