Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
