Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
