i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
