I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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