I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
