Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
