I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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