grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
They took my balls.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
