he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
