from now on my penis is your penis
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
