So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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